


Feel Again

by esnyreddie



Series: Reddie Shorts [4]
Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Almost nsfw, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Pennywise (IT), Bisexual Richie Tozier, Coming Out, Crying, Eddie Kaspbrak Loves Richie Tozier, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Gay Eddie Kaspbrak, Implied Sexual Content, Love Confessions, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mentioned Sonia Kaspbrak, Richie Tozier Loves Eddie Kaspbrak, Sharing Clothes, Sharing a Bed, Sonia Kaspbrak's A+ Parenting, Teenage Losers Club (IT), Tooth-Rotting Fluff, teen reddie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-08
Updated: 2020-09-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:41:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26365885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/esnyreddie/pseuds/esnyreddie
Summary: Eddie came out to his mom and it didn't go very smoothly. So he goes to Richie's house in the middle of the night.orRichie does everything he can to comfort the boy crying on his bedroom floor.
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Series: Reddie Shorts [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1560793
Comments: 4
Kudos: 114





	Feel Again

**Author's Note:**

> this is just a little something i wrote one night when i was sad you know the vibes

Eddie had snuck out of his bedroom window to go to Richie’s house in the middle of the night. It was around two in the morning and Eddie could not sleep at all because of the events that had occurred just hours before. He needed his best friend with him now more than ever, and he was going to get just that. 

Just before leaving, he quickly checked his appearance in the mirror that sits on top of his dresser. His eyes were red and puffy from crying for hours and his nose and cheeks were blotchy and pink. The expression he wore on his face was a mix of sadness and lack of care. He didn’t care about what he looked like and he didn’t care what Richie would think when he saw the boy come in through his window, which he always had unlocked just in case there were nights like these and one of the losers would need to escape somewhere for a while. Richie was that person for a lot of people, but especially Eddie.

The boy only had a pair of sweatpants and a short sleeve t-shirt on. He threw a hoodie on his bed, planning to grab it on the way out but his head wasn’t in the right place to remember such a little thing. So he stepped up onto his windowsill and braced for the landing, which wasn’t too far. As soon as he hit the ground, he took off down the street, not even bothering to pick up his bike, but just running right past it instead. He wanted to feel the burning in his lungs. He just wanted to  _ feel something. Anything. _

When he finally reached Richie’s house after sprinting for about ten minutes, he immediately started scaling the side of Richie’s house up to his window. Luckily, there was a tree there that was strong enough for Eddie to hold onto. The window was unlocked, as usual, so Eddie opened it and slid in as quietly as possible.

The room was dark and Eddie assumed the other boy to be asleep. Richie was such a heavy sleeper and never woke up when Eddie came in. The small boy was always able to sneak in without making a sound. 

When Eddie hit the floor, he padded over to the bed where his best friend was sleeping and knelt down next to him on the floor. He whispered, “Hey, Richie,” in an attempt to wake him up. It didn’t work so he placed a hand on Richie’s shoulder and lightly shook the boy and whispered again.

After about a minute, Richie began to stir and his eyes opened. The moonlight coming in from the open curtains allowed Richie to see Eddie’s face just slightly, but enough to know that it was, in fact, his best friend. He squinted, then raised his brows in confusion. “Eds?” he asked. “What’s going on?” His voice was strained and groggy as he was woken up from a deep sleep.

It took him a minute to focus, but soon enough Richie stretched his arms and sat up, putting on his glasses and switching on his bedside lamp. He rubbed his eyes under his glasses and finally fixed his gaze on Eddie’s face in front of him. Richie’s eyes widened in shock at the sight. Eddie looked so broken, it instantly tore Richie’s heart in half.

“Holy shit, Eddie, are you okay?” He asked with concern and shock lacing though his tone. He couldn’t stop staring at the blotchy, tear stained freckles. A frown overtook both of their faces and Eddie looked like he was about to explode.

And that’s exactly what he did.

He dropped to the floor, no longer on his knees in front of Richie’s bed, now sitting cross legged. His elbows were on his knees and his face was in his hands as his body was violently shaking with sobs. He was starting to hyperventilate as his sobs became harder and harder to control. He was having what he called an “asthma attack” so Richie’s first thought was to grab his inhaler before things escalated any further than they already had. 

At first, Richie couldn’t find the inhaler in the mess that was his room but then he remembered the only part of his room that wasn’t a complete mess. The very back shelf in his closet was full of things Eddie had left behind from the many times he’s been to Richie’s house over the years. There were clothes, notes and gifts the boy had given him, and most importantly, one of Eddie’s spare inhalers. 

Richie picked up the object and quickly ran back to his best friend, sitting down next to him on the floor, handing him the inhaler and wrapping his arm around Eddie’s small shoulders. They were still shaking uncontrollably as he took a few puffs of the medication. His breathing slowed and he calmed down considerably until he made nervous eye contact with Richie and broke down yet again into another fit of sobs.

Richie’s heart hurt so badly, watching the scene in front of him. He had no idea what to do other than to keep his arm around the boy and try to make him as comfortable as possible. He ran his hand up and down Eddie’s arm, noticing how cold the skin was from not bothering to wear a jacket. He also didn’t have any shoes on and his socks were soaked from running on the wet pavement from the rain they had gotten earlier in the day.

Richie stood up from where he was sitting and the loss of contact only made Eddie cry even harder, his face hidden back in his hands. Richie felt bad for leaving his side, even if only for a minute, but he knew he had to get the small boy into something warm so he didn’t catch a cold the next day. He grabbed one of his own hoodies from his closet, even though there was one that Eddie had left the other day, and a clean, warm pair of socks to replace Eddie’s cold and damp ones.

When he sat back down, he placed the items next to him on the floor. He looked at Eddie and brought his hands up to the smaller ones. He pulled Eddie’s hands away from his face and Eddie’s tired eyes fell onto Richie’s and stayed there for probably too long. He noticed how Richie’s eyes were tired as well, with a deep level of worry and sadness hidden beneath the surface. 

Richie picked up the sweatshirt and pushed it into Eddie’s arms. “Please put this on, Eds, your arms are freezing. Why aren’t you wearing anything warm, it’s the middle of fall!” He received no answer, but the way Eddie hurried to put the hoodie on and his shaking eased up to almost nothing answered Richie’s questions well enough. When Eddie finished putting his arms through the sleeves, Richie spoke up again. “I have dry socks, too. Please take them, I don’t want you to be uncomfortable.” 

The hurt in Eddie’s eyes eased off a little as he took the socks from Richie. He didn’t say anything, but he didn’t need to. Richie could tell he was thankful for the kind gesture just by the slight sparkle in his eyes that wasn’t there just minutes ago. 

When Eddie’s fingertips touched his wet socks, his lip started trembling again and he was about to cry at the memory of why his socks were wet in the first place. Richie took notice of this right away and grabbed Eddie’s wrist, stopping his movements. “I’ll do it.” 

Eddie shook his head and spoke his first words since Richie had woken up. “Rich, you don’t have to. You’ve already done so much.” His voice cracked as he managed to get through the sentence.

“I know I don’t have to, but I want to. So let me. Please?” Richie said, holding his hand out for Eddie to return the socks to him. 

Richie patted his leg to tell Eddie to put his feet over Richie’s knees. Eddie did just that and Richie slowly took off the socks he was wearing before. The whole time Richie was switching the one pair for the other, Eddie couldn’t take his eyes away from the concentrated look on Richie’s face as he tried to be as gentle as he could be with the broken boy. Eddie also couldn’t take his eyes away from Richie’s hands as the fingertips made contact with the skin of his ankles, lingering for a few seconds, as he slid the new socks over Eddie’s feet. 

Eddie mumbled out a quiet “thank you” as Richie finished what he was doing. The taller boy looked up at Eddie and gave his best attempt at a smile. Eddie’s own lips twitched up just slightly, but it was enough for Richie to feel confident that he was making a difference in Eddie’s mood.

It was silent for a few minutes, both boys just looking around the room or at each other and taking in the company, until Richie broke the silence. “Do you want to talk about it, Eds?” 

Eddie just shook his head and said, “No, I can’t,” he paused. “Not yet, anyway.”

“That’s totally fine! Let me know if you want to though, okay?” Eddie nodded. “You know I’ll cut the bullshit and listen to you if you need me. Always.” Eddie nodded again in response, then yawned, covering his mouth with his hand. “Do you wanna sleep?” He nodded again and stood up, Richie following. 

Richie pulled back the covers and let Eddie get under, covering him back up. The smaller boy immediately dug his head into the pillow, taking in the scent of Richie’s cologne that lingered there. Richie walked to his closet to grab himself a couple of blankets so he could sleep on the floor. 

When Eddie noticed what he was doing, he said, “Rich, what are you doing? I thought you were just gonna sleep up here.” 

The other boy’s eyes widened and he responded, “Oh! I just wanted to give you some space, that’s all.” His cheeks burned as a blush crept across his face.

“Oh…” Eddie trailed off, closing his eyes for a few seconds before reopening them. “I don’t really wanna be alone.” He hugged the covers closer to his face, taking a deep breath and sighing. He noticed how Richie was still standing in the spot he had been in since Eddie got in bed. He quickly added, “I mean… If you’re not comfortable…” 

“No, Eddie, it’s okay. I don’t want you to be alone either.” Richie dropped his blankets on the floor and made a mental note to put them away in the morning so he doesn’t get nagged about it later. He walked over to the other side of the bed and pulled the covers back, making Eddie shiver when the cool air of the room slipped underneath the sheets.

Eddie felt the bed dip under Richie’s weight when the taller boy laid next to him. He immediately felt warmth radiating off of Richie and loved the way it felt. It made him feel safe. It made him feel like he was special to someone. Even if it was only one person, he knew that Richie would always be around to take care of him when he needed it the most. He didn’t need to be sharing a bed with Eddie right now just because the vulnerable boy didn’t want to sleep alone. But here Richie was, perfectly willing to help his best friend feel as happy as he can during whatever is going on in his life.

Eddie turned onto his other side to face Richie, who was lying on his back and staring at the ceiling. Eddie thought about telling Richie what happened to get it off his chest and maybe get a second opinion but every time he opened his mouth to speak it would shut by itself, not letting any words pass his lips. But then his brain started working faster than he could handle and Eddie blurted out in a whisper, “Richie.”

Richie hummed to tell Eddie that he was listening and paying attention. Eddie thought to himself,  _ fuck it _ , and told Richie everything.

“I came out to my mom tonight,” he said, his voice already lacing itself with more tears. Richie’s head turned quickly to face him and his eyes were wide. He opened his mouth to say something but Eddie put a hand up to stop him, telling him to wait until he finishes to say anything. 

“I know you’re probably thinking I’m fucking crazy, but I couldn’t let her just keep saying the awful things she says and gets away with. I had to let it out and I know. I know that I said I was gonna wait until I left for college but I just couldn’t. I’m so, so, so sick of her walking all over me because of the things I like to do or wear or for not being “manly enough”. I just can’t take it anymore.” He paused to take a deep breath to collect himself, tears streaming down his face. 

When his eyes locked on Richie’s, he could see that Richie was crying this time, too. Eddie continued. “When I told her I’m gay she started crying and screaming at me about how I’ve disrespected her my whole life. But I’ve done every little fucking thing she’s ever told me to do and I just  _ can’t anymore. _ I can’t let her talk shit about my friends. I can’t listen to her tell me that you’re a bad influence on me because, quite frankly, being best friends with you is the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” He paused again, a sob shaking through his body. 

He looked back up into Richie’s heartbroken eyes with the most confused and helpless expression. Richie almost mistook him for a lost puppy in the middle of an open field. He slowly raised a hand and used his thumb to gently wipe away the tears on Eddie’s cheeks and then ran his fingers through the small boy’s curls.

With a voice that was so small it could barely be heard, Eddie said, “She told me I’m sick, Rich. Am I sick? I don’t want that.” 

Richie sat up and grabbed Eddie’s hand to pull him up next to him. Without saying a word, he pulled Eddie into a tight hug and rocked their bodies back and forth in an attempt to calm them both down. Richie didn’t want to see Eddie cry anymore than he already had to, especially when it had to do with his mother.

In a low, hushed voice, Richie talked into Eddie’s hair. “Eddie, you’re not sick and you know that. Don’t listen to a word your mother says, okay? She’s a complete idiot if she doesn’t see how perfect you are.” He paused to tighten his hold around Eddie’s shoulders. “You know I’m bi, and I’m not sick, so why would you be?” 

“You still like girls at least,” Eddie said with a huff and Richie almost laughed.

“Eddie, that has nothing to do with anything,” Richie said with a sigh. “Just because you like boys instead of girls, that doesn’t mean you’re sick, okay? It just means you like boys instead of girls. And if your mom can’t see that and accept it, maybe she’s the one who’s sick. Did you think about it that way?” Eddie shook his head. “Well, think about it. I promise there is nothing wrong with you, okay? You’re still the same amazing friend, and just the overall perfect person that you’ve always been. The losers and I all love you so much. I hope you know that. I’m sorry your mom is such a bitch, but at least you only have one year left. And you know our doors are always open. My family loves you more than they love me so they’re happy to have you here as long as you need, whenever you need.” He took a breath to pause and let Eddie take in what he just said. “I can’t say I’d complain if you came over more either,” he added with a light chuckle, hopefully lightening the mood a little.

It seemed to have worked because Eddie pulled back from the hug with a big smile on his face. The sight made Richie’s knees go weak and he was suddenly very glad he was already sitting down. Even though his face was still red from crying and his eyes were a little puffy, Richie thought he looked so beautiful. He couldn’t help but smile back.

“Thank you, Richie.” He hugged the boy in front of him again and then pulled back and just stared at him with a tiny smile.

Richie couldn’t help but notice how Eddie’s eyes got slightly darker when he looked at Richie, his eyes trailing down to his lips. Then it all happened too quickly for Richie to do anything about it. He felt Eddie’s lips press against his own but there was no time to kiss back like he wanted to before Eddie pulled away with wide, scared eyes.

“Eddie…” was all Richie was able to say, all other words trapped inside his throat.

Eddie opened his mouth but closed it again, unable to find the right words to say. He settled with, “Richie, I am so, so sorry! I don’t know why I did that. I think it was just a heat of the moment thing. I’m so sorry.” Eddie sighed and put his hand over his forehead, mentally scolding himself for being an idiot with no self control.

Eddie had liked Richie for as long as he can remember and the way Richie was just talking to him and the way Eddie instantly felt so much better when he was wrapped in Richie’s arms just made him fall even more for his best friend. He knew he was in deep. 

Richie took Eddie’s hand in his own and stared down at their hands in his lap. “Can I say something, Eds?” 

Eddie’s eyes lowered and he said, “Yes. Unless you’re gonna say you don’t wanna be friends anymore. Then no.”

Richie rolled his eyes at that response and took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted you to do that.”

Eddie thought he would faint. “Wait, what? Are you serious, Richie?” He couldn’t believe what he had just heard.

“Yes, really. I would never tell you I don’t want to be friends anymore, are you crazy? Especially for that. But I want you to be sure about it. If you’re not ready, you need to let me know before I do it again.” He looked at Eddie expectantly and licked his lips.

“I’m sure, Richie,” was all Eddie had time to say before he was pulled into another kiss that lasted longer than the previous one, Richie actually getting to kiss him back this time. 

They both felt like they were going to burst into flames and when they pulled away, their faces were both a bright shade of pink. They went in for another kiss, this one mostly just their teeth hitting each other because they couldn’t stop smiling into the kiss, both boys finally getting what they’ve always wanted after so long.

Eddie was found with a wave of confidence as he got up a little and straddled Richie’s waist so that he was perched on top of Richie’s lap to get a better angle to kiss him at. Eddie threw his arms around the taller one’s neck and pulled him into another, slightly more intense kiss, licking Richie’s bottom lip. When his lips parted, Eddie began to explore Richie’s mouth with his tongue. Richie did the same, grabbing onto Eddie’s hips and squeezing lightly. 

As they kissed, Richie pulled Eddie’s hips closer to his own and lightly ground them together and Eddie gasped in response. “Hey,” he said with a small smile on his lips and resting his hands on top of Richies over his hips. “As much as I would love to take this a step further with you, I think I might need a little time. So much has happened today, I just need to slow down a bit, okay?” He pecked Richie’s lips again and pulled back to just stare at him.

Richie chuckled and raised on hand to play with the strings on Eddie’s borrowed hoodie, twirling them around his fingers with a content smile. “You’re right, we should take things slow. I don’t mind.” He paused and his smile got bigger. “Plus, we’ve got all the time in the world now, right, Eds?”

“Yeah, we have time,” Eddie said. With his arms around Richie’s shoulders, he pulled Richie in for a hug, still sitting on his lap. He kissed Richie’s cheek then rested his head on Richie’s shoulder. He whispered, “Thank you for everything, Rich.” 

Richie tightened his hold around Eddie’s back and nuzzled his face into the smaller boy’s neck, kissing there gently. “You don’t need to thank me.”

“Yes I do,” Eddie replied, running his fingers through Richie’s hair. “You’ve done so much for me.”

“And I’d do it all a thousand times, baby.” 

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you enjoyed this! feel free to comment or leave kudos, i'd really appreciate it! :)


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